


Accidentally Married

by WolfyWordWeaver



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: Accidental Marriage, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Family Drama, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, Kissing, Light Angst, M/M, Magical Bond, Minor Character Death, Near Death Experiences, Politics, Revelations, Rituals, The Coven - Freeform, Trauma, Vomiting, i.e. the Mage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:22:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27354928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfyWordWeaver/pseuds/WolfyWordWeaver
Summary: Simon has accidentally killed the Mage and is trying to sort out what's supposed to happen to him when an unexpected revelation about him and Baz throws a wrench into everything. Sometimes retaining dragon wings and a devil's tail after losing all your magic is the least dramatic thing that could happen.
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 10
Kudos: 120
Collections: Carry On Fall Exchange 2020





	Accidentally Married

**Author's Note:**

  * For [xivz](https://archiveofourown.org/users/xivz/gifts).



> For the lovely @xivz! I hope that you enjoy my take on the prompt "accidental marriage." <3
> 
> Also, many thanks to @sharing_a_room_with_an_open_fire and @seducing_a_vampire for your help whipping this story into shape! Your help was invaluable!

Chaos was the best way to describe the scene. 

Crumbled stone. 

Screams. 

Blood.

Terrible pain.

"Baz?" Simon croaked, the terrifying sensation of magic draining from his body like water down a drain. "B-baz?"

He'd gone off. The White Chapel was in ruins.

The mangled remains of a familiar body made Simon gag and start to sob in earnest. The Mage was dead.

"Baz!!!" he screamed desperately, hoping against hope. Firey pain was burning at his back and he felt so very heavy. Smoke was coming off him in waves, literal smoke. 

He had never hurt Baz before when he went off, which in hindsight should have been pretty revealing on his feelings for the other boy, but what if this time he didn't protect everyone? He was in such a state of distress and oh Merlin, Penelope!

"P-penny!" 

He crawled forward on shaking and bloody hands until he got to the edge of the crater to look down at the further damage. There were still screams but they seemed so far away and blurry. 

"S-simon!"

Rubble crumbled where his left hand was and the Chosen One wobbled before he caught his balance and looked down at the scene of destruction. He moaned in horror as he saw Penelope pinned under a large piece of what used to be a wall. She was pale and frightened and Simon found himself floating sluggishly down into the lower level and next to her. 

"Pen, oh fuck, I'm so sorry!"

"It's o-okay," she tried, the shock starting to hit her system. "Just got m-my legs. Can you move it?"

It wasn't something that a Normal could do, or probably a Mage unless they were using a spell but Simon couldn't think of a single spell to save his life. Or, Penny's, rather. 

"I'll try," he gasped before getting up to his shaky legs and gripping at the bottom of the stone. He had to do this. Penny needed him to move this! **_"There is no try!"_** he shouted as he threw himself into the lift, remembering that saying from Master Yoda in one of those Star Wars movies. It was do or do not and by Merlin he was going to fucking move that thing.

Penny screamed in agony as the rubble was thrown off her and Simon collapsed feeling dizzy and more disoriented from magic use than he ever had before. 

"Good, Simon," she gasped, leaning back. **_"Sticks and Stones may break my bones!"_** she uttered with magic while weakly holding up her ring. She whimpered in pain again as the flesh and bones mended themselves. Scrapes and bruises remained but it looked much better overall. 

"Stay there," Simon commanded before coughing from his smoke. "I need to find Baz."

"He was right by me," she groaned as she laid her head back on the ground, eyes going crossed. "Riiight by meeee."

"Motherfucking hell," he whispered as he looked at the rest of the building collapsed next to her. 

Surely not even a vampire could survive damage like that. Simon began crying as he looked around for any other option.

"Your...wings, S-simon," she sighed tiredly. "L-like an angel."

_**"Olly olly oxen free!"** _

There was another steep drop in magic as the spell was cast and Simon vomited on the ground next to Penny. A reddish glow came from the center of the building and Simon staggered there barely noticing the flutter of leathery wings behind him. Someone was closer and shouting but he couldn't make the words out and just focused on following the trail until he crumpled next to the still figure. 

Baz looked beautiful even in such a state. His disheveled hair rested like a halo around his head and dark blood painted his lips and down his chin. His usually pallid skin looked even more strikingly like death had finally claimed hold, and the perfection of his white button-up and greenish black suit was ruined by the splintered wooden rafter piercing right through his chest. Simon laughed deliriously at the thought that even in death Baz looked like a dream. 

The blood wasn't oozing anymore, either the heart not having anymore blood to pump or it having finally completely stopped pumping. Simon grasped the beam and jerked it out tactlessly, splinters forcing through the skin of his hands easily. With that removed he could see the grisly wound in all its glory and sobbed while throwing his body over Baz's.

"Don't leave me," he cried. "Please don't leave me, Baz..." No life stirred under him. Desperation and a slipping grip of consciousness made Simon think of all those fairy tales with their happy endings. The prince _always_ ended up with the princess and they would live happily ever after. **_"Happily ever after, Baz!"_** he spoke with magic. "They just needed a _**true love's kiss**_."

Leaning forward Simon pressed a kiss to those ice cold lips. It was not their best, all things considered, but he poured everything that he could into that kiss. Every bit of love, desire, need, hope, tenderness...everything. And like he felt as he poured and poured into the Humdrum, Simon felt empty and raw. Not only was he scraped clean like a pumpkin on Halloween, but that pumpkin rind was cut and hacked away until he was nothing but a pile of mush that collapsed over Baz, senseless. 

*****

Whispers aggravated his ears like an itch couldn't be scratched, and Simon opened his eyes blearily to see the halo effect on the halogen lights overhead. It was how movies depicted entry into the afterlife and Simon wondered for a moment if angels had the need to whisper. Or maybe demons, he supposed. There were plenty of sins listed by his name.

"Simon?"

He wanted to jerk up in a seated position but found his body too tired to comply. He just warbled a moan and almost immediately a cloud of frizzy hair and the glimmer of glasses filled his vision.

"Penny?" he croaked.

"Oh Simon, thank magic! You're awake!"

Her hands took hold of one of his and clung to it.

"Your legs?" he asked, still feeling out of sorts. 

"My mom took care of that," she brushed aside as if her legs hadn't been pancaked. "We need to talk about the Coven, though!" 

She was whispering now and he wondered again as to why.

"What's going on? And why can't I move? Why does it hurt so much?" She grimaced and rolled her eyes up as if she was debating on telling him the truth or not. "Penny!" he snapped in aggravation.

"Okay, okay, it's bad Simon."

"Just tell me," he stated tiredly, a tone he had used all too often when running missions for the Mage.

"You killed the Mage," she sighed, "and somehow you've seemed to...well, run out of magic."

Her words were like a punch in the gut.

"So, why-"

"But as per the norm, Simon, nothing's that simple. You've still got those bloody wings and tail and-"

"WHAT?!" Twisting around as best as he could with his limited mobility he could barely catch sight of the red monstrosities crumpled behind him. "Buggering shit! Gah, no wonder it hurts so fucking bad!"

"Nicks and Slick!" she gasped. "We didn't even think about that! Let me help!"

With her thick arms wrapping around him and helping him, Simon was able to sit up and a few well placed pillows gave him enough support to stay seated. Crimson wings slowly stretched out and Simon groaned in pain and relief while Penny's eyes widened at the imposing wingspan. The devil's tail flicked out in a stretch of its own and Simon watched it for a minute with a detached expression.

"Everything hurts," he sighed before shaking his head. "Anyway, what's going on and...Baz?"

Those brown eyes glanced at the floor and Simon tried to keep back any of the tears that wanted to well up. 

"Baz is okay, Simon," she muttered. "At least, as far as I can tell. His family's gone on lockdown with only Mr. Grimm speaking at the Coven's meetings. And, uh, you're probably in a lot of pain because Fiona Pitch nearly decapitated you."

" _She what now?!_ "

"Yeah...uh, when I came to she was dragging your body to me and told me that I needed to stop your bleeding if I wanted you to live."

Simon reached up and felt the bandages that were still wrapped around his throat. 

"That bad?"

"It's probably why your voice is so hoarse and you're so tired. It took a lot to get you stable and...well, I was afraid that I had taken your voice." Silence hung between them for a moment before she continued quietly. "But that didn't really matter with your magic being gone."

"How do they know it's gone?" he asked even though he could feel its absence more clearly than he had been able to feel anything else in his body. 

It was probably why he was struggling so much to feel the limits of his body and what was a part of him and not. Since his first "going off" he'd always felt too big for his skin, the limits of his body so constraining and barely keeping him intact together. Now there was nothing pressing out and forcing him to keep it in and controlled. He felt like a rubber band that had been stretched beyond its limits for so long that it didn't even have its own figure anymore; nothing but a weak and brittle puddle. 

"They'll have to finish diagnostics, but it's what Dr. Wellbelove's been able to sort out with you still being unconscious."

"And Baz hasn't tried to contact...you?"

"I'm not sure what his current state is," she sighed. "He might have been just as badly off as you and unable to communicate with anyone. I think that we can at least count on the Grimms and Fiona to keep him under the best care possible."

"That's true," Simon sighed. 

"And you should really be more concerned about the Coven than Baz," Penny chided, seemingly starting to get a hold of her normal level of bossiness. 

That brought a feeble smile to Simon. 

"He's my boyfriend, you know," he stated with a dopey grin. He wasn't even going to think about if Baz might want to break up with him the next time they met. 

" _What?!_ "

The following interrogation felt like much better talking material than the heaviness of the Coven investigating him for the murder of the Mage and destroying a portion of the Watford School of Magicks. 

*****

Simon felt a bit uncomfortable attending an official Coven gathering in racerback tank top, but he and Penny hadn't really found anything else that would work with the wings. They were terribly tender where they connected to his back, the bones, muscles, and ligaments seemingly needing to heal from the magical fusion of their creation. The tail was currently tucked under his pants and denims, keeping in line with his left leg. It's joint with his body was about as sore as where his wings were so he wasn't particularly looking forward to staying seated during the long proceedings. Thankfully Dr. Wellbelove was going to be in attendance so he could probably provide support for Simon if he couldn't stay put.

Swallowing thickly, he made his ways through the halls, people's eyes widening in recognition and shock as they saw him pass by. The World of Mages was a small place and it was certain that by now everyone had heard of the disastrous happenings at the White Chapel. He'd heard the term "disfigured mage" being thrown around already and the unnatural tail started flicking in agitation within the leg of his jeans until he forced himself to calm down. 

It was still disorienting not to feel that overheating and smell the smoke and brimstone when he got worked up now. 

Getting to the main hall where the trial (or whatever the hell they were calling it) was taking place, Simon walked in and glanced around. The families were still getting settled in and preparing so he didn't have to take a seat right away. Penelope would have walked with him, but her mother was currently in talks about taking place as the Headmistress of Watford and Penny herself was being interviewed in the proceeding about the Mage's death. 

Thinking about it made Simon sick to his stomach again. He could still see the sword in Ebb's chest, the blood gushing. He could see the life flicker out. The Mage's hands were still on him, demanding his magic.

"Simon?" 

Opening his eyes slowly, Simon saw Dr. Wellbelove offering a sympathetic look. 

"Oh, hello Doctor."

"Hello, Simon. I'm terribly sorry that Agatha couldn't be here for you right now, but...well, you know how it is."

She was moving to America and might even already be on the plane.

"That's okay. Honestly."

"That's good," the Doctor replied with a bit of relief on his face. "How're the additions? Still stiff and sore?"

Before Simon got a chance to answer the loud pounding of a gavel called the assembly to order. The doctor ducked his head in apology and then quickly took his seat over at the opposite end of the room. Simon just stood there stupidly, wondering where the accused was actually supposed to be sitting.

"Mr. Snow, please come up to the front," Mrs. Nettlethorn stated sternly but not unkindly. "And then we can get started with the trial."

Simon hunched his shoulders a little as the attention of the entire room fell on him. Being the "Chosen One" had always carried a lot of scrutiny and the young man found himself thinking about all the times that he failed or blundered his way through success. None of his missions had been gracefully or otherwise well executed, and the looks of incredulity, disappointment, and even bewilderment on the Mage's face had been branding on Simon's mind. 

He had even been frightened of Simon, and now it seemed that he had been correct to be scared.

Settling down gingerly on the cushion-less seat, Simon fisted his hands at his knees and stared down at the floor between his feet. There was no way that this inquiry was going to go well for him. He _killed_ the Mage. There was no question. He'd gone off, exploded with magic, took down the entire White Chapel, and killed the Mage while nearly killing Penny and Baz in the process. 

A quick glance over his shoulder was enough for Simon to see the imposing Malcolm Grimm seated with a ramrod straight back and an almost disinterested grimace that would have been an exact match for Baz's if it hadn't been for his much too thin lips. Baz had plush and pouty lips that begged to be kissed and bitten and...

He adjusted on his seat and nearly yelped at the pain to his tail. Fuck it all, he was going to have to figure something out for it or he'd never be able to sit again! The pain was a blessing, though, and he made himself focus on the opening remarks. He began to mentally lay out the field of allies and enemies. Mitali Bunce was one of the most influential members of the Coven at the moment, but her influence would be limited because of her daughter's status as Simon's closest friend. 

There were plenty of Old Families that had been trying to kill/get rid of the Mage for years and Simon wondered if they would try to come to his defense now because he had done their dirty work for them. Or would they leave him to hang and dry because he was without family, without influence, without magic, and without any real future in the World of Mages. 

Dread sunk firmly in his gut and Simon found himself automatically trying to breathe deeply to keep his magic from going off in distress. It was worse to realize that the magic was gone and that deep breathing couldn't really help him now. He really needed a firm hug from Baz and maybe a few abrasive words that would eventually turn to the prickly mage admitting that everything was going to be okay. The ache in his chest only intensified the more he tried to push thoughts of Baz away so that he could pay attention to the trial. 

"Simon Snow, how do you plead to the charge of murdering the Mage?" Mrs. Nettlehorn asked. 

The accused swallowed thickly not knowing what to say. Everyone had been so busy trying to salvage what was left of the World of Mages and the destruction that Simon had wreaked that no one had really told him what he should say. Before he had a chance to utter anything a deep voice interrupted from behind him.

"I place an objection." The entire crowd gasped and Simon wheeled around to see Mr. Malcolm Grimm standing with his arms crossed over his chest and glaring at the officiant.

"I...excuse me?" she stammered, just as shocked as everyone else.

"You failed to ask for any family of the accused to state their intended retaliations should they feel he's being treated unjustly."

Even Simon's mouth dropped open at that and he blinked hard a few times to ensure that he wasn't hallucinating.

"Mr. Grimm, he...Mr. Snow doesn't have any family," she explained incredulously. 

Those dark emotionless eyes closed for a moment before they opened again with a kind of resolve that one would have when walking to the gallows. 

"You are incorrect, Mrs. Nettlehorn." The gasps from all around the room almost sounded like firecrackers. "The Grimm family is obliged to claim their retaliations if we think that Simon Grimm-Pitch is in anyway being treated unjustly during these proceedings."

"What?!" Simon yelped amidst the thunder of other exclamations. 

The gavel pounded loudly to draw order again and the woman at the helm of the proceedings kept banging it even as she questioned the statuesque man.

"Mr. Grimm, please explain yourself! This is outrageous!"

"There has not really been an appropriate time to bring this to Coven's attention until now," he replied coolly even though Simon could detect an angry twitch gathering under the man's eye. "My son and this...ahem, and Simon have entered into a marriage bond. As such, the Grimm family has the right to declare retaliations."

"I didn'-" A glare from the white-haired man instantly made Simon snap his mouth shut and the rest of the room broke out in frenzied conversation. 

"Mr. Grimm!" Nettlehorn protested, but the man remained stubbornly steadfast.

"The Grimm family," he announced firmly, some kind of spell making his voice carry over the din, "declares a blood feud in the case that they are unsatisfied with the justice of these proceedings."

It was as if the Humdrum himself had stepped into the gathering and sucked all the energy out of the room. 

"The trial needs to adjourn as Mr. Grimm notarizes his family's intended retaliations," Mrs. Nettlehorn replied unsteadily. "And...and as he and his son...and Mr. Snow complete the proper paperwork to recognize the marriage bond."

The gavel dropped and there was once more chaos.

*****

"Why didn't you tell me that you got married?!" Penny demanded as soon as she cornered Simon in the hall outside of the room. 

He put his hands up in defense and shook his head frantically. 

"We didn't!"

"Mr. Grimm wouldn't do that if you hadn't!" she hissed back and Simon just shrugged. 

She was completely right. Malcolm Grimm had always been pretty insistent on speaking poorly of and demonizing Simon any chance that he could. Even when Simon had been at the Grimm's Manor a few days ago the man had been cold and that was before the bloody Humdrum created a deadspot over their entire fucking home. 

Malcolm Grimm was _not_ a fan of Simon, he was certain of that.

"I don't know, Pen!" he sighed, grabbing hold of his unruly curls.

"Mr. Grimm-Pitch?"

Simon's head snapped up to see the stiff man standing behind Penny. She stepped back as to not be in the line of fire and Simon wanted to rib her for that but it didn't seem appropriate at the moment. She was the only one of the two of them that actually had any magic to defend against the pissed off Patriarch. 

"It's Snow," Simon blurted out in annoyance. "I'm not bloody taking that mouthful as my name."

The man's eyebrow twitched in a very Baz-like manner.

"Like hell am I letting my son take on that Normal name!" he hissed angrily. "He is Heir to the esteemed Grimm and Pitch lines!"

"Well he can't fucking have any babies, can he?!" Simon snarled back angrily. He wasn't exactly keen on keeping Snow for the rest of his life, but he would at least like to have a voice in the matter. Besides, Snow was the only name that he had to go by, the only thing that he brought to the orphanage. "Any _heirs_ would come through me!"

If looks could kill, Simon would be a steaming pile of gore.

"Mr. Grimm-Pitch," he grit out with enough heat to keep Hell warm, "you are to come with me back to London where we will finish the appropriate paperwork."

"But we didn't get married!" 

He wasn't winning any points with the pissed off father-in-law, but Simon couldn't help it. He was many things, but he had never been a liar. Regardless of what others thought.

"I assure you, that I would never have lowered myself to uttering such revolting things for anything less than an actually binding marriage bond."

"It's magickal?" Penelope gasped.

"Unfortunately," Malcolm replied tightly. "Now, come with me."

"Only if Penny comes too," Simon sighed tiredly. "I'm not following you anywhere by myself and I know that you wouldn't be stupid enough to mess with Mitali's daughter right now."

It certainly wasn't the best way to get on the Grimm family's good side, but fuck it all. Baz would be able to figure this out.

*****

"We're married, Snow," Baz sighed.

"What?! There's no bloody way!"

Baz was already rubbing his temples and for a moment Simon realized that the last time he saw this insufferable prat he had been afraid of never seeing him again. Semi-alive at least. 

"I wouldn't make this up-"

An inelegant oof burst from the vampire's mouth as Simon tackled him in a hug, one wing knocking over a probably expensive vase and the other wing gouging a potentially priceless painting. 

"Bloody hell, Baz," Simon muttered, his face buried against Baz's chest. "I thought you were dead. I-I thought you weren't going to come back to me."

Using his long arms and fingers to wrangle the unwieldy wings away from the art in the foyer, Baz pulled the wings and the rest of Simon up against him. Suddenly unconcerned with anything else at the moment, he pressed cool lips against Simon's still warm brow. 

"It's okay, love," he whispered against the skin. "It's okay, I'm right here."

"You were hurt so badly," Simon whispered, the pain from seeing Baz unconscious and impaled making his heart pound and his head spin in the worst way possible. "Shit, I just..."

"Thank snakes I'm sturdy," Baz chuckled before moving his lips to pepper kisses along Simon's eyelids and down his nose.

"Ahem," Malcolm coughed in annoyance. "We have important matters to address."

Baz shot his father an annoyed look while squeezing Simon a bit more protectively. Penelope was grimacing at the damaged painting and hoping that Simon's new position as a member of the family meant that they wouldn't be asking to pay for the damage. 

"Let's move this discussion to the kitchen," Baz relented before adding a more solid kiss to Simon's lips. "Come, love."

"I am not sure that I'm going to ever get used to that," Penelope stated flatly before shaking her head and following after them. She lit up when she saw the pristine whiteboard. "Let me write, Baz!"

He handed her the black marker before taking a seat at the table and pulling Simon onto his lap. Malcolm looked unimpressed but Baz rose a challenging eyebrow. Simon just couldn't stop looking at Baz, inspecting him for anything different. He had half a mind to rip the man's shirt open to see if there was still a gaping wound but Penny's throat clearing caught his attention.

"Okay Baz, so what makes you think that you're married to Simon?" 

She popped off the top of the marker with a satisfied grin and readied herself to write.

Baz opened the top buttons of his shirt and pulled aside the material to reveal the skin over his heart which was not still a gaping mess of blood, bones, and tissues but rather perfectly smooth skin with what looked like a strange branded scar right above the dusky nipple. Simon felt his mouth go dry as his eyes zeroed in on that nipple. What would it taste like? Would Baz mewl in contentment to have that laved in affection? Baz adjusted the shirt to better cover the distracting flesh and Simon's eyes leapt up to see the vampire _blushing_.

"Sorry," Simon muttered breathily and Baz squirmed a bit on the chair. 

Malcolm muttered a few curses in what Simon assumed was another language and he blushed as well. 

"Okay, what kind of symbol is that?" Penny asked as she squinted and leaned forward for a better look. "I don't recognize-"

"It's a dragon claim," Malcolm stated flatly and two sets of eyes shot over to him in shock and confusion. 

Baz glanced away. 

"What is that?" Penny demanded. "We never covered anything like that at Watford!"

"Of course you wouldn't," he sighed as he leaned back and crossed his legs. "This is very old and very unusual magic. It's..."

"It's given to the dragon's companion in the case of a cross-species mating ritual," Baz finished stiffly.

"You got married to a dragon?!" Simon accused incredulously.

"You're the bloody dragon, fool!" Baz hissed in annoyance. 

"But I'm not one!"

Baz gave a tug to one of the wings and Simon yelped out in pain.

"Crowley!" Baz gasped in shock. "I didn't-"

"They're still sore," Simon muttered, embarrassment and pain burning on his face. 

Cool hands slid down from the leathery wings and settled at the inflamed joints.

"I'm so sorry, love. I'll be more careful."

"But Simon's right, Baz. He might have manifested these dragon-like wings, but...he's not a dragon."

"He's also a Normal and yet he can do magic, so..." Baz shrugged. "Honestly, has anything vaguely normal happened to Simon?"

Penny shook her head as she turned back to the board and wrote out "DRAGON COMPANIONSHIP MARK" in perfect lettering. 

"Wait, so dragons can have sex with humans?" Simon asked. "How would that even work?"

"Tolstoy, let's get back to the current matter!" Malcolm interrupted. The man looked like he wanted to be anywhere but here in the kitchen discussing dragon sex with teenagers. "Whatever diabolical magic Mr. Sn-, ahem, Mr. Grimm-Pitch did that night has made ripples of consequences that he hadn't anticipated."

"Why do I have to take your name?" Simon demanded. 

"Simon, let's discuss that later," Baz sighed. 

"Would Simon have any marks to indicate his part in this marriage?" Penny asked. "I mean, just to be sure that some random dragon didn't drop by while we were all passed out and made you his or her partner?"

"There aren't complete records of a dragon's marriage ritual to each other or to a different species but there are at least three components that need to be fulfilled: a Test of Worth, a Dowry, and a Vow. So it's highly unlikely that my son was bound to a _random_ dragon who happened to be passing by that scene of carnage." 

Penny jumped back to the board and quickly wrote those three requirements out. 

"This doesn't make any sense," Simon groaned before he leaned fully against Baz again and rested his head against the smooth neck. 

Oddly enough he felt a lot more content being solidly on Baz like this.

"Dragons like big shows of power," Penny sighed as she stepped back and examined the items on the board. "A lot of their interactions with each other are displays of their strength. It sorts out the pecking order like a lot of other animals."

"They're not just animals," Malcolm and Baz corrected her at the same time. 

"A lot of their interactions are too nuanced for us to understand," Malcolm continued, "and we aren't even talking about elder dragons."

"Regardless, I think that the Test of Worth was easily fulfilled when Simon went off." All eyes turned to Baz and he shrugged. "It makes sense if you're talking about a display of power. His magic has killed a dragon, a chimera, and a whole host of creatures. Going off is that magic power being completely unleashed. There's nothing that could compare."

"The Dowry," Malcolm continued as Penny added more information to the board, "is something more symbolic in nature. A dragon could easily kidnap a partner and live with them without recourse, but they would never be able to complete a marriage bond without that symbol of care and respect."

"The only money I have is that bag of leprechaun's gold," Simon sighed. "But I've never offered that to Baz. Not that, I wouldn't or anything."

"You can have all my money," Baz replied softly, his face getting that lovesick look about it again. 

Malcolm barely repressed his groan before firmly dropping a fist to the table to remind the two young men that there were other people present in the room. 

"Is the Dowry supposed to be presented to Baz? Or you, Mr. Grimm?" Penny asked.

"It would be symbolically offered to the caretaker or closest person to the partner. In this case it would be presented to me."

"Well I sure as hell haven't offered you anything lately," Simon deadpanned. 

"The Mage!" Penny exclaimed suddenly. With all three men staring at her she shoved up her glasses and explained. "The Mage was your biggest political rival, Mr. Grimm! He and his supporters were up against all the Old Families and your family was one of the loudest opponents! When Simon killed the Mage he was practically ending a war for you and leaving you the winner! It would definitely count for a ritual!"

Simon felt his stomach sink. Yes, he killed the Mage but he hadn't _meant_ to. Like he hadn't meant to kill the dragon in his first year. The Mage had been the closest thing he'd had to a father and was someone that he had loved and respected. The idea of offering him up on a platter to someone like Malcolm fucking Grimm made his heart hurt.

"It...it's all in the symbology," Baz added softly. "It doesn't mean that you were planning...that you intentionally...killed him."

The squeaks of the marker along the board seemed a bit more grating to Simon and he supposed that with all the stress, pain, and weariness he was allowed to be a little on edge. 

"Let's see, Test of Worth was Simon going off and the Dowry was the demise of the Mage...what Vows did you two take?"

"Baz was unconscious the whole time," Simon replied to Penelope. "We didn't take any vows at all."

"Did you try casting any spells on him?" Malcolm asked, turning to face the boys better. He looked almost hopeful. "If there was a missing part to the ritual..."

Baz growled in annoyance and pointed to the scarred skin. 

"It worked, Father. We're _married_."

"Well you said it yourself," Malcolm snapped, "nothing ever works the way it's supposed to with him!" He threw his hands in the air in a gesture of helplessness before leaning back in his seat. 

Simon shifted restlessly as he thought back to that night. It had been one of the most horrifying moments of his entire existence and he wasn't so keen on reliving it. He knew that he was in shock when he saw Baz and that he had been babbling nonsense, but what exactly had he said?

"You were hurt so badly, Baz," he sighed as he looked down at the pale chest. "And I...well I thought that we deserved a happily ever after like in all the books."

Those grey eyes were going all soft again and Simon felt himself blush. They had barely begun their relationship and 7 years of antagonism wasn't exactly the best foundation for building a positive, loving relationship that would last. It seemed too early to be talking about happily ever afters when they had just gotten started. 

"Simon, was it something you cast without words?" Penelope asked carefully. 

Taking a deep breath, Simon allowed himself to go back to that night. 

"My magic was just draining out of me. I had been pouring everything into the Humdrum and then there was...then..." Simon didn't want to break down in front of Malcolm so he stomped down on the rising emotions and skipped over to when he found Baz. "Baz had that huge hole in his chest from th-the rafter. He wouldn't respond and I said that the story always ended with a happily ever after and a true love's kiss."

"You said what?!" Malcolm demanded sharply as he jerked forward.

"Did you say that with magic?!" Penny demanded.

"I just didn't want him to die, okay?!" he snapped back in frustration. "Was that so wrong?!"

Baz stood abruptly, still holding Simon and from his new towering perspective glared down at the other two with all the force of the Grimm-Pitch lineage.

"I think that's enough. You two can excuse yourselves and I'll call on you for the necessary paperwork and filing at a later point. Good day."

And with just as much sharpness Baz turned on his heel and carried Simon out of the kitchen and straight to the bedroom. Simon wanted to sputter in surprise and maybe protest that he wasn't a baby that needed to be protected but the truth was that he was desperate for the possessive and protective aura Baz was offering. The red tail struggled against the denim trapping it by his leg as it wanted to wrap around Baz's waist and Simon buried his face against the cool neck until he was carefully settled on the edge of the bed. 

"I'm sorry, Baz," he mumbled, feeling the tears burning again. "I didn't mean to do something that you wouldn't like and-"

All trains of thought screeched to a halt as Baz straddled his hips and pressed a hungry kiss to his lips. Simon squeaked before moaning and melting into the kiss. Baz wrapped his arms around the freckled neck and delved into that pliable mouth with his lips and tongue. Arms thick with years of wielding a sword and fighting off countless opponents took a solid hold of Baz's waist. 

"You offered a **true love's kiss** to me?" Baz murmured before moaning and pressing more wet kisses to the reddening mouth. "While in the White Chapel and invoking the ancient matrimonial magic of the shattered altar? You are absolutely ridiculous."

"I'd do anything for you," Simon whispered. "Shit, Baz, I'd do anything."

Baz leaned back precariously and took Simon's face in his musician's hands. "Why did we take so long?" he asked incredulously. "Why did we waste so much time and energy fighting against each other when there was this?"

"I didn't mean to bind you to me," Simon admitted, afraid to make Baz deflate after such a passionate proclamation but also not wanting to lie or perpetrate a misunderstanding. "I wanted a happily ever after with you, but I want you to consent and...willingly want it to."

"Simon Snow, I would always choose you," Baz responded immediately before leaning forward and tenderly rubbing their noses together. "You've been it for me from the start and I would consent to a lifetime with you even if I had my tongue ripped out and was banished to another dimension. I consent, I desire, and I offer myself entirely to you. Wings and all."

"I have a tail too."

Baz snorted. "Of course you do. Okay, wings and tail and anything else."

"This is really okay?" Simon pressed. "Your dad obviously wasn't thrilled and I don't want to make things awkward or-"

A kiss silenced the rant and Baz offered a few more eager nips to those chapped lips before leaning back again to respond.

"I choose you, Simon. If you'll have me, I'll never let you go." That familiar crooked grin light up Simon's face and Baz couldn't help but blurt out, "Let's make the best out of our newfound conjugal rights, shall we?"

"Yeah, let's do that," Simon chuckled.

And perhaps, Simon thought, there would be a happily ever after for them after all. There was still a lot to unpack from that night, but there was a lifetime with a vampire partner to work through all that. 

**Author's Note:**

> Simon later learns that Fiona nearly decapitated him because when she got there and found them Baz was half-consciously drinking Simon's blood to repair his body. She was ready to just send Simon up in flames to keep Baz's cover but realized that there was no transformation taking place and decided to just give him a gaping neck wound to cover the bite instead. She would later admit to that being her biggest regret in life - letting that "damned mini-Mage" live.


End file.
